Becoming a Surrogate Mother – Ways to Draw Support from Your Family

For a woman to become a surrogate is a big decision. It can difficult to balance emotions with your family and it is important to have support from your family upon your decision to become a surrogate mother. It is necessary that your family, spouse and children are comfortable with your decision. It is because your family is your emotional support and therefore becoming a gestational surrogate holds same importance as it holds for you. Below are few ways you can break the ice with your family about surrogacy,

1. Discussion

Talk to your spouse openly about the idea without hiding your inhibitions and tell him the reason why you are thinking about embarking on. You should tell him that you have a strong desire to help another family. Once you are confident on your part and have valid reason to support your decisions, you are sure to convince your partner. 

You should understand that being a surrogate is going to affect their life enormously, and pregnancy means work for a spouse or partner too, with medical checkups, travel to meet with intended parents and other obligations. Your husband or partner needs to know that there are restrictions on intercourse after birth and in some cases during pregnancies as well.  

2. Use facts to deal with insecurities

Sometimes, husbands become insecure at the notion of his wife carrying “another man’s baby.” For such a situation, you need to tell him about the process of gestational surrogacy —there is no genetic tie to you or to your husband. If it takes more than one time to assure your partner, then do it. It is your duty to explain the process precisely and clear their doubts so that your family and the family for which you are carrying baby both are happy.

3. If you already have kids, thank them

It is important for your children to know about your decision. Do not make a mistake to leave them in oblivion. Pregnancy is something you cannot hide and it would be a wise decision to discuss things before your children start thinking otherwise. You should know that once you tell your children about it, they will be proud of their mother.

4. Avoid hiding things and be truthful

You should be positive about the whole idea of surrogacy and discussing things with your husband and children. Believing that things would work and everything will be fine will keep you going. Explain to children that mommies carry babies in their wombs, and that the intended mother’s womb just isn’t working — so you are simply helping another mother by carrying her baby for her until it is born.

5. Do not expect your children to accept things in first go

Give your family time to process the whole idea. Be absolutely certain your child is aware that the baby you’re carrying is not yours, is not a little brother or sister.

6. Reassure your family and remind them that they are needed

Never make your family feel ignored. Always tell them that you are doing this only because they were around you. Tell them about your ideas and your perspective. Reassure them early and often that this is not the case, and that this pregnancy is simply a wonderful and generous service you are performing for another family who cannot do it themselves.

Dr Neeraj Pahlajani